My demons

Well, it’s been a long way since I wrote but this is me again…

The last months I try to face my own demons, the problems destroying my psychology, my mental health…

You watch TV — You see bad events happening that tear your heart. Diseases, territory, accidents, economical crisis… 

I was always trying to be optimistic but I’m losing my hope every single day. All I want is to live, not only me but also every person in this universe. I hate it when human rights get trampled, I hate the fact that money is the God people believe in, I hate that we are naturally unable against death. Where is humanity anymore? 

No matter how selfish it may sound, I want to live-feel-hear-touch-smell-taste forever. I don’t want to die, neither my beloved ones and I neither anyone in the whole earth..the sense of nothing placed on the other side is something I can’t afford even as a thought…

I wish I could just explain things,just change things that I’m not able to do no matter how desperately I want to…I don’t know if God exists, I don’t know what his name might be, but all I want is to believe again in the infinity of life, humanity…

12 thoughts on “My demons

  1. cyranny says:

    It seems to be a rough period for a lot of people, judging on the reading I have done lately.. And I understand how recent event through out the world can make people feel that way… It is sad. I hope you find something positive to hang on to 🙂 My best thoughts 🙂 *Hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ragnhild says:

    People have a special ability to mess things up. This year has been a really long and confusing one – brexit, Trump, and the other gruesome events. No wonder you doubt. No wonder we all do. I don’t want to die either. There is just so much left to live for.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Lovey says:

    I don’t want gruesome things to happen to anybody or my beloved ones. Things are only seem to be getting unsafe and worse with time. We can’t predict future but we can build one of our choice. Cheers!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. angyjenks says:

    I used to be so scared of dying.. and when I started having panic attacks because I feared it so much.. but through therapy and med and God has been my help.. I believe that God will give us rest for all our fears in a place of paradise..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Nancy J says:

    Hope is all we have to carry us through this life. I have suffered since I was a child (child abuse, molested, gang-raped, sex trafficked, two violent husbands, contracting a rare disease that paralyzed me, and now confined to bed).

    But, through it all, I had nine exquisite near-death experiences. I struggled with God my entire life, but now I am thankful for all the suffering because it has put me in a position to give back. At the age of 65, I believe one is never too damaged or old to make a difference.

    Also, I do believe there is something wonderful awaiting us on the other side. For me, death is a doorway to what many of us call Heaven. I hope in some way I have encouraged you.

    Here is an excerpt from my memoir and it is true:

    That freedom then opened to me something I had never imagined anyone could have. I don’t even know how it happened. I didn’t ask for it. It happened after I forgave: An unconditional love filled me. No strings, no ifs. Love without stipulations.

    That inexplicable force that kept me from suicide, which brought me back even when I tried it, I now call God. Through a roller coaster of experiences and personal search, I know it is God. He has cleansed and freed me of the horrors. If anything, I now pity my abusers.

    My nightmares have somewhat subsided. I’m not as hypersensitive to peoples’ innocent remarks that spur triggers. And when something blindsides me now, nothing shakes my faith. I’m able to trust in the God I cannot see, the one I cannot prove exists, the one of exquisite peace and beauty I experienced during each near-death encounter.

    Liked by 1 person

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